Good Evening!

Hello my wonderful not blog peoples. Seriously, I wouldn't even care if no one read this blog ever. Its the fact that I get to go back and read my crazy thoughts and smile. That's what I just did now. I read all like, five of my posts that I've penned and I felt a little proud of me. I enjoy the way I write (almost as much as I enjoy being a narcissist apparently...) and its also real fun to vent without really venting...If you know what I mean...which you probably don't...

Hai my crazy little munchkins! I've been writing random "deep" lyrics for some reason. I think I've lost my poem edge. I miss my weird, disjointed way of writing poems, and I want to write more soon! I wrote a poem called Matt the Bunny, and I think it might be my best work yet. I don't want to post it anywhere because I want to turn it into a faux-childrens book. Its a faux one because it involves genocide, bazookas, and crazy evil bunnies. I enjoy it greatly and I want to revise it with someone but I don't know who! I don't have a lot of writer friends, but I do have my amazing Girlfriend who is a writer extraordinaire! I'll probably read her the poem when I see her tomorrow. I'm so awesome sometimes, it makes me laugh! (I'm tellin' ya. Narcissism ftw.)

Hey, my wonderful Popdoodles! Speaking of awesome things, my Gay News segment is turning out to be a good decision. I'm getting a lot of people's opinions and I can feel myself become a better impartial journalist. That's something I'll need for when I take Journalism Tech next year. But anyway, Gay News might have the potential to establish its own community. I've invited people to become more involved by sending in news articles and even video responses! I'm super worried about video responses because I don't want bad people to come on and report, but then be suckish about that. But I remain optimistic at the prospect of getting to sit back and edit things together instead of having to speak words all the times!

I'm currently reading John Green's Paper Towns which came out forever ago, but I never picked it up. This is my first John Green novel and certainly not my last. I find his descriptive language and inner dialogue refreshing and just complicated enough to keep me interested. Also, Margo Roth-Spiegelman has the potential to become the most fascinating woman in literature, in my opinion. (And this opinion will only be for the moment, as I haven't even finished the book yet!) John Green and his brother, Hank, are famous Youtubers and I love them dearly and admire the community they have created.

Wow, I dropped the "Hello" thing at the beginning of paragraphs, and I have just noticed that fact. Damn my non-creative brain for being a fail at life! So my brain is aching, and my eyes are burning with exhaustion (I think I used that line in a poem somewhere) so I will leave you now and stop typing. Gnight.

Bored, A Drabble of things

There is something so fascinating with the concept of boredom. What is it in it's true form? A reason to complain? A great conversation piece? A cry for help? Well, I'd hope its nothing as dramatic as the last one. Anyway, the whole deal of boredom is stupid. Surely a person cannot believe that there is nothing in the world that couldn't occupy their time. For me, I could easily be doing 4 things at any time in my home: Cleaning, watching TV, playing the Wii, or the internet. Naturally, because I'm addicted to it, I gravitate to the internet, but not even the internet cannot entertain you forever. (Believe me, I've tried.)
So what really is boredom? Its not the lack of things to do, its the lack of drive to do them. You could get off your butt, but you'd rather not move at all, being bored out of your mind...
...Wow, the way I put it makes me look like a big ol lazy person. I guess I am then. Maybe I should work on that someday...(Pssh, yeah right!)

Soooo, since we are on the topic of boredom, I just wrote these poems on the fly, out of sheer boredom. Enjoy!

"I have the need to write

But it doesn't feel so right

Blasting punk rock in my room

Fighting through the gloom

It seems that I'm forever doomed

To Boredom"

"Recapturing my childhood

Is easier than it seems

Watching Disney garbage

And "following my dreams"

It all seems like garbage

To believe in such lies

Am I growing too wary?

Or just breaking my ties...

...To moments I once treasured

To stories I once held dear

Back then I couldn't have measured

The future cynic that now writes here"

*Yawn*

"Blah" is

My life

My soul

Summed up in

One

Word. I find the

Mundane

Comforting. While I still

Need to stay

Alive

The music

The books

The friends

The moments

Bring me true

Happiness

But alone, I settle

For pure

Mediocrity in my mind

Where is my

Extraordinary moment?

Gone

With your failed

Ambitions. You

Fantasize

The impossible. Yet you strive for

The average

Boring

Isn't it?

Happy Returns!

It's so hilarious. I was totally sad, but now I'm happy! What was the big change? I missed my friends! The group of people that hang out with my Ex (that I have been subsequently avoiding) were the people that I needed most! It's wierd because they're all a bunch of freshmen and then here's me and my Juniorness getting into everything, but I love them anyway.

So I'm so glad to be happy again!! It's a great feeling. :) I'm never underestimating the power of friendship ever again.

The first of my finals started today. I took my Chem finals and, surprisingly, I knew almost everything on the test. I was so shocked and relieved! I went into this test thinking that I had gleened nothing from the last 4 months, but apparently I learned a bunch! The test was relatively easy, but it had a wide range of topics that we had learned. Luckily, none of it was difficult in the math department.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate math? Okay, I don't exactly hate it but I've just never been good at it. Over my entire Jr. High and High School career, I have gotten high C's in all of my math classes. It's completely infuriating because I really do try! But when I take the tests, I get Ds and Fs. -_-' Algebra 2 is also very difficult when it's taught by a teacher who isn't good at her job. I mean, she's nice and all, but she's not good at teaching this kinda stuff. I basically had to learn about everything solely from the math book, which is almost worse because they leave stuff out for the teachers to tell you. It's like a never ending circle of failure!!!

I thought this vid is very interesting. I'm going to post a comment on my views on the whole Homosexual vs. Gay debate. No, wait. I'm going to make a video response, its easier that way to say what I need to say.

Sad and Lame

This Blog is going to be about me and my sadface. If you don't want to read about my troubles and get youself in a downer kinda mood, then don't read this. Thankies!



So my life in general is pretty awesome right now. I finally figured out an outline of what my college career is gonna look like, I'm getting more and more subscribers everyday on my Youtube show, I just finished reading a fantastic book about Kathy Griffin and her amazingness, and I'm getting decent grades in school.

Despite all this, I'm still fighting the sadness that I got going on. I dunno why I feel this way, which is weird because I'm usually really intune with that kinda stuff but I'm not. Okay, I might have an inkling of what's going on but it's a little complicated.

I think it started after I realized my latest ex-gf (Let's call her Mandy) was a little too unstable for my liking. I don't want to go into all the dramatic details, but our relationship was becoming all about texting, and not about talking face to face. I didn't feel like Mandy was gonna be honest with me when I have legit conversations with her, so I ended it as fast as I could (I sent a text message. Thought it would be poetic on a one-sided kinda way. Mandy doesn't get nuance). Not to mention, she decided it would be alright to tell me some deeply personal information about her life over a 6 page text message, which I am NOT okay with at all under any circumstance. Oh, and she's kinda illiterate too...

Anyway, Did I mention I hate cellphones? They've been the downfall of 2 of my relationships so far so I'm kinda sick of all the bullshit about texting. I'd turn off my texting plan, if it wasn't so important in contacting my parents during class and whatnot.

But I digress, so it happened after I had to reschedule a date with Mandy for the 3rd time or something due to my sucky schedule and so I rollerbladed over to her house in the rain to tell her that I'm sorry (cuz I'm not a heartless bitch and I felt so incredibly guilty about the rescheduling game). I dunno, but in that moment that I was getting ready to go over there, I just felt this profound sense of sadness just fill me. I really can't describe it accurately enough because all I could think was “This entire situation is just sad”. And then that phrase became a part of me and now I'm all sad.

-sigh- Well after I broke up with Mandy (which was this monday), I've done all I can to avoid her because I have no desire or any feeling to try to talk to her. She got so weird that I just can't deal with it. I didn't sign on to that and so I'm avoiding it. Instead of hanging out with the group that Mandy hangs in (which used to be my main clique), I've been hanging in the band room with my bando friends. It's not a bad thing really. I feel like I'm getting to know my band mates a lot more now. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, its not the same. All my gay friends are over with Mandy, and now I can't stand to be near them in fear of being near her and her questions she may or may not ask me (more likely she will ask me to talk).

I dunno what next week will bring, but I'm just gonna deal with it however I can. It's probably not the “right” thing to do, but it makes me feel better. OH! And I've got a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) Leadership Meeting that's happening next Saturday! I'm bringing Kim and two freshmen president canidates for when I graduate. I'm really stoked about being able to do that again because it was such a blast last time. :)

Oh and all my drama and troubles, you'll never hear it on my youtube channel. Ever. No one wants to hear about sadness (unless theyre a bunch of emos who actually search for that stuff).

Seriously I'm Silly

Sometimes I feel like I have these intense and very thought-provoking ideas, but then I forget them. I'm probably just being a loser about that though, because who has those kinda thoughts when your 16?

Okay....so its 2:26AM. There's no one to talk to. So I talk to the blog-thingy. I guess I'm very strange then. Whatever. It's all good right? So tonight, I got to listen to Australian radio, and I realize that I'm in love with Australian radio. They actually have radio stations devoted to pop music!!! It's called Hot30 something something. They interviewed Natalie Tran! That makes them officially kool. Yeah, I spell cool with a k now, but thats mostly because my C key is kinda broken so I'm trying to make it easier on me with the whole typing thingy...BUT ANYWAY, Australian radio is still AWESOME! I'm listening to it right now! Mostly because they play all these songs that I like.

Speaking of songs I like! I just listened to "I'm not your boyfriend baby" in its entirety for the first time ever. Why didn't anyone tell me it was a freaking fantastic song?? It's got a great music structure and its surprising how amazing the lyrics are. OMFGREPLAYJUSTCAMEONAUSTRALIANRADIO! I really like Meghan Tonjes' cover of that song though. You can listen to it here. It's quite pretty. She's a fantastic artist really. I've been seriously considering buying her album ever since I started listening to her music.

You know what's awful about about this blogger??? It doesn't have freaking Tahoma as a font option!!! Tahoma is my absolute favorite font to use. I dunno why, it just is. I guess it looks pretty nice. BUT THEY DONT HAVE IT ON HERE! THOSE BASTARDS SHOULD PAY!!!

...

...Aaaaaaaand I don't care anymore. *Throws out another...*Whatever. Heh, Australian accents are so friggin cool. I wish I had an accent. Maybe I do? But its the one accent that no one ever wants: American. America represents fat people and imperialistic tendencies. Who wants to speak that? Obviously I am not fat and/or have any imperialistic tendencies, but that doesn't even matter to the stereotypical eye!!! You know what they say about people from Switzerland? NOTHING! Because they haven't done anything stupid to get themselves in trouble!

Gah, it makes me want to move somewhere else, that isn't American-like. DUDE I COULD MOVE TO AUSTRALIA!!! They have awesome music! Its a matchmade in heaven! But seriously (in all modes of sillyness) I want to move somewhere out of the state I live in. Don't get me wrong, I love my Californias (No that isn't a typing error), but I just feel like going and experiencing some different weather for a change! At least if I get out, I can either get attached to somewhere else, or I can learn how lucky I am to live in the land of one season. Either/or, I just want to get out!

I miss youtubing again. I wish I could make a video and rant like I usually do, buuuuuuut it is late and I look kinda not attractive....because I've been looking at a computer screen for the past....*checks clock*....uh....Wow, like over seven hours.

Which segues into the fact that I am addicted to the internet. What I think I want to do, is go without internet/computer for a whole month. Then I will make a vlog everyday about what I did without the computer. The editing of the vlog will be the only computer time I will have and then one single post to twitter to promote it. Then it's back to the non computerized world!!! To me, it sounds completely terrifying. Would it make for good youtubing? I'll ask my group soon because I really don't know. OH! And I guess I could only tweet from my phone other than the promotional tweets. GAH! I dunno! I need to write it down on a list or something. I'm a big sucker for lists....and office supplies. No lie, I love the idea of organizing, but I kinda fail at the actual follow through.

Anyway, that is enough disjointed writing for one night. It's now 2:56 so that means I wrote all this in 30 freaking minutes!!! Hellz yes bitches!! I'm going to attempt sleep again. Probably be successful this time...

...Kool. Heh, heh...

Letters and Such!

I just wrote this letter to a collab channel. Please tell me if it was funny enough to be awesome!

So...Hello five jammin' people!

My name is CourtneyDax and I'm a junior in high school. No, that is
not my real last name but it's still kinda cool, right? Its short,
sweet, and to the point, like myself! (Seriously, freshmen are taller
than me!)
My video style mostly capitalizes on the concept of me having a
constant State of Awesome, which is EXACTLY like my real life.
(sarcasm win?) But in all seriousness, I usually just vlog and talk
about whatever pops into my mind. Most of the time, the topic is just
usually hilarious. I do thee most random schtuff because it makes my
subscribers laugh, which in turn makes me a happy panda (no really, I
say that in real life). ANDDD, If you read every single one of my
comments on any of my videos, you will read nothing but positive and
lovely comments of people telling me that I am as awesome as I like to
perpetuate on my channel. Trust me, its a humbling experience. I never
thought the internet community could be as supportive as it has been
until I got my big break guest starring on What the Buck's channel.
(Then I got 300 subscribers in three days. I made a video and I was
like "GAH! WTF MY LIFE!!!")

ANYWAY, since I just told you my Youtube life story, I guess that's
why I feel like I would have some mondo major fun being a guest star
on your channel, and would make your viewers laugh a bunch like you
guys do! I'm usually on the internet so I'll be flexible for any
Saturday that you might wanna throw at me! I'm like a football catcher
person person thingy! I'm THAT good!

Thank you for your consideration and your time,
CourtneyDax

http://youtube.com/CourtneyDax

P.S: Happy New Year! I'm sending this at 12:30 so I'm like "WOO!!
PARTY IN THE 2010 BABY!"

P.P.S: What does the extra P in "P.P.S" stand for anyway? Okay, so I
dunno if I am supposed to reccomend videos and all that shenanigans
but if I had to make a "Best Of" playlist, I would definately choose
"SPICY HOT WINGS!! Giggity?", "Awesome", and "How Ranting and Tacos
are Good for the Soul!". I make the wierdest names for videos
sometimes...well...I hope I make you laugh!

Okay so what did you think of that? Funny? Lame? Kinda cool but mostly fish?

2000s: A Gay Rights Victory?

So, for me personally, I consider these past years to be huge for the Gay acceptance movement. The list of famous people who have come out is a staggering number, to say the least. Oh, you wanna see that list? Well here are the two other blogs that give you pictures and accompanying articles of all the Gay men and Lesbians that have come out in the 2000s (The gay men's article is more of a Gay overview of the past 10 years but still very interesting.)

But what does it all mean? Well I think it means that my optimism levels are through the roof! I don't really have a good memory (at all) but I think that there was this situation in America back in the 80s and 90s where people actually had to worry about getting fired if their boss found out they were gay. AND people were trying to get Gay teachers fired because they might "infect" the children with their "indecent love passion-thingies"!! It's hard to think that this kind of stuff still happens in certain areas (and if you don't think I'm telling you the truth on that one, then you're just plain wrong). I feel lucky every day that I live in such a safe community right now, where I don't have to worry ever about that crap....Well, most of the time...

But the really horrible thing is that we still have sooooooooooooo much to do to get everyone protected. LGBT kids and adults are still being murdered in America because of who they are or what they support. Even people who support the Gay rights movement have been getting murdered as well. And it happens everywhere! Have any of you heard of a boy known as Lawrence "Larry" King? He was a 15 year old teen (not far off from my age) and he was shot to death by another boy that Larry had flirted with. This happened not two counties away from where I am living right now. It's absolutely terrifying sometimes when I think about it enough.

But despite all of that horribleness, I still can keep a positive attitude about the future. The media (and the Government to a certain extent) have mostly accepted Gay people, and that's the thing I hold on to for my future. Sure I can't get married in my state right now, but that doesn't mean it's going to be forever! Movements take time, especially for a group that is as in the gray as you can get. So, for now, I will be patient until it's my turn to start fighting my own rights battles. Until then, I'll just be as pleasant as I can be, in hopes that some random conservative will see me and realize that Gay people are just as normal as the rest of the world.